Sometimes I get a Facebook friend request from
someone I don’t recognize, so I don’t hit “accept.” That happened to me last
week when I got a request from Melissa Bochert Oehme.
Hmm,
I thought, the “Bochert” sounds familiar…
I used to know Cliff and Jean Bochert… but Melissa? I don’t know her.
And so I didn’t accept her request.
But she persisted.
She sent me this message:
“Hi Gail, I just posted an article about my
father and step-mother (Cliff and Jean Bochert). I want to thank you for the ‘Goodbye
Cliff and Jean’ article you wrote. I have cherished it for the last 19 years
because of what you wrote. It is hard to tell people what happened and then try
to defend my dad. That is why that article has meant so much to me all these
years. I have never met you, but you are a very important person in my life.
You have no idea how the words you wrote helped me through this time in my
life. I can’t thank you enough for your kind words and bringing light that he
wasn’t himself. Thank you so very much!”
Here is the article Melissa referred to, dated
November 17, 1997:
Here is a photo of Melissa from her Facebook
page.
Yes, we are now FB friends, and she gave me
permission to share this story. Maybe it will help someone else to survive wagging
tongues.
I didn’t judge Cliff because I had insight
into his story. If I had lacked that insight, I probably would have judged him
harshly.
The older I get, the more people I know. The more people I know,
the more I see the toll of their choices, the toll of their afflictions, the
toll of their addictions. Every choice, every affliction, every addiction, has
a price. When I see this toll, I am more likely to feel compassion for others.
I am less likely to judge.
Pope Francis declared this the Jubilee Year of Mercy, and he wrote
a prayer in honor of this effort. Here is my favorite part of the prayer:
“You
willed that your ministers would also be clothed in weakness in order that they
may feel compassion for those in ignorance and error.”
Ignorance
and error! It is easier to show mercy to those who suffer some obvious
mental illness, like Cliff Bochert, than to show mercy to those who are just
plain ignorant…or those who just plain make mistakes! (Don’t we all?)
The older I get, the more I realize I have no
right to judge others. This is something I will have to work on until the day I
die. I knew Cliff, so I did not judge him. I pray to God to help me not judge
others, especially those who act in ignorance and error.
Gail Grenier is the author of Dessert First, Don't Worry Baby, Dog Woman, and Calling All Horses, all available from Amazon.com. Links are posted to the right.